Eating Crow

After a night of almost no sleep and the same tape of self-doubt playing over and over in my head I got up this morning to some very encouraging comments from my blogger friends. I had spilled my guts out all over my blog last night because my horse friend couldn't talk and Hubby isn't that interested in talking about my animals in depth and my son sent me quickly to his voicemail (punk). So I blogged my thoughts and am now going to take a few things back.

I got to school this morning and ran into our O.T. a very Zen like fellow, who I had talked to about my habit of worrying in the middle of the night and he encouraged me to live in the moment and breathe. You can't change the past. So when I told him about Sunny and how I worried about buying him he held up a finger and said, "Past" I said that I was worried that it would be a big vet bill and he held up another finger and said, "Future" "Are you living in the moment?"

No I wasn't.

He told me that the voice in my head that was telling me I did something stupid by buying a horse wasn't me and to get rid of that voice. So that is what I'm working on.

Next I moved on to my horsey friend, whom I happen to work with and told her all about it. She said calm down it isn't that bad. My horse Charlie had the worst stiff rear end ever. She got after me for Googling and coming up with my own conclusions to what it might be. She calmed me down. She reminded me it takes a long time to build trust with a horse and that Sunny was still worth it. She also said she thought that the seller might not have noticed his stiffness if she didn't really do much with him. That I tend to have an eye for things like that, that most people wouldn't even notice.

Then her daughter, Ashlee, the horse massage therapist, and her horse trainer friend happen to stop by school and I took them (on my break, of course) to look at Sunny. They looked Sunny over and watched him move. They noticed the clicking in his stifle and that he was walking stiffly on ,especially, one leg. Ashlee said, "Goatgirl (she really didn't call me that) he wasn't walking like that when we went and looked at him. I doubt if the seller even knew he had something wrong if she didn't use him that much."

My first bite of crow.

She massage him a bit and found several knots and ropes in his thigh muscles. She showed me how to massage them and told me what to do for him. She said he could have done this anywhere that maybe just the activity after being inactive for so long could have bothered him. He could have stepped in a hole or slipped in the pasture. Or maybe kicking one of the animals, say a fat pig, could have hurt him. She said horses injure themselves a lot.

Then she said that I could have even done it to him by driving him up the road while he was out of shape.

Second bite of crow.

She is going out of town for a while but when she comes back she will work on him. In the meantime, I am to just let him exercise on his own and massage those knots.

And I have been banned from Google.

So thank you my blogging friends for all of your kind words and for some of your reality checks. Everyone take a deep breath and live in the moment with me.

I still don't like the clicking in his knees but heck my hip hurts and sometimes I hobble around too.

I sure hope they keep me:)